A deeper kind of tired

I'm tired.

It's the first time in a while I have felt the kind of tired that goes deeper than the physical. Sure, I could use more sleep at night. And, yes, I did sleep through the alarm today so I missed my daily dose of endorphins from my shuffle around campus.

This tired is emotional, social, and perhaps a bit spiritual.

Today Christi and I drove to LCIW (Louisiana Correctional Institute for Women) for the seminary program's first chapel service. In addition to this special distinction, it was also set apart as a memorial service for John.

I didn't anticipate what this would drain out of me and so, to be honest, I was not prepared. I enjoyed seeing the students in the seminary program that I haven't seen since I taught last summer but much of the service (like the singing of Great is Thy Faithfulness and It Is Well with My Soul) seemed to bounce off my brain. The scripture readings, however, touched an aching spot in my heart and, as I watched the video of Trey's part of his dad's memorial service, I began to soften. By the time Christi stood to share some lessons from these past eight weeks, I was melting.

She is so strong. Or perhaps I should say more truthfully, God is so strong in her weakness. She spoke of the purpose in John's life, the pain in his life, the purpose in the pain, and the pain in the purpose. And she asked the ladies to continue to pray for her and her kids. She was so raw and real and there's something about that ... it's just so draining.

It's the end of the day. I'm tired. But a good night's sleep and a renewed commitment to getting in the 'war room' before the fight will make a difference going into tomorrow. Lord, go before me into tomorrow.

A thought I want to remember: At lunch, Kristi M. recounted a friend's effort to prop her up during the difficult time after her husband's affair. This friend had lost a child in the months preceding this and she told Kristi, "There is strength in the struggle."

I know this but I did not claim it today. Tomorrow is a different day.

Saturday morning report: I got up at 5 and took Allen to the airport. I thought I might stay up and be productive but when Allen encouraged me to go back to bed, I gave it a shot. Though I woke up briefly a couple of times, I ended up staying in back until almost 9. YES, I needed that sleep!