Expect Delays

There's a sign on the interstate near my exit that reads something like, "Road Work ahead, evenings 4 p.m. to 10 p.m., expect delays." Almost every time I see the sign, I'm tempted to look at my watch to make sure I'm not approaching during the time of these expected delays. Then I realize that they really shouldn't affect me since I exit before the area of the expected delays. Whew.

After all of our years in youth ministry and youth education, you would have thought that we, of all people, would have been ready for the angst promised to parents of teenagers. How many times did we tell other parents (especially before we had kids!) to expect the teenage years to be rocky? How many times did we watch other parents (even after we had ours) struggle with their children's rebellious choices and 'valueless' lifestyles? The road sign couldn't have blinked any brighter: "Teenage years ahead, 12 to 18, expect conflict, heart ache, and constant testing."

Maybe we thought it would be different for us. Didn't we do it all right? Sunday school, Bible drill, summer camp, Disciple Now, family devotions, family meals, family outings? Aren't those the guaranteed ingredients to raising a godly young person?

Somehow, despite the head knowledge of what to expect of typical teenagers and even watching -- and sometimes experiencing -- the pain of other wonderful, good-intentioned parents, we missed the road sign and so we were shocked, annoyed, and sometimes even angry at the "delay." Since we forgot to expect it, we let it get the better of us a lot of the time.

Now my word to the ones coming up: Don't. Don't let it get the better of you. God has taught me two unforgettable truths during these past parenting years. Well, honestly, He's taught me a lot more than just two truths but that's where I'll go right now:

First, while children need direction and boundaries, parenting is really more about God molding us than us molding them. It's a constant reminder that we're not perfect, and that there's a whole lot more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control to be grabbed on to and shared. Parenting is a major breeding ground for the Holy Spirit to work out these qualities in our lives, and personally, I'd rather be yielding His fruit than the snappy, irritating, blood-sucking mosquitoes of discontentment and frustration that find their home in stagnant water of unfocused lives.

Second, our children are not our trophies. Let that sink in, especially those of you who have spent most of your life accumulating ribbons, trophies, awards, degrees, and what-nots. While we like to hold up their accomplishments and lay claim to their success, it's not really ours to do. Remember whose children they are, really? Right, God's. He's lent them to us for "safe-keeping," so taking credit (or blame) is a slap in His righteous face. Speaking of blame, the danger with claiming our kids as trophies is that we don't know quite what to do with them when they give us no bragging rights. Then we find ourselves making excuses for their mediocrity or, worse, for their poor choices. Stop right there. If they're not our trophies, then they're not our ballast either. They are our gifts, pure and simple. Nurture them, support them, encourage them. But don't use them for building yourself up or tearing yourself down.

"Construction ahead. Expect delays." The placement of the sign doesn't ensure that it will be read or heeded. But it does do its part; be forewarned and maybe even forearmed.