Christmas Eve Rainbow

What a rainstorm we had today! Sideways, straight down, sprinkles, puddles, flooding, lots of rain.

And just when it seemed that it might go into the night -- and maybe even hinder the Christmas Eve service -- the sun began to break through, even as it was time for it to set.

As we exited the Pontchartrain Expressway, I was amazed to look in the sky and see a beautiful rainbow. I was startled. I don't remember EVER seeing a rainbow in New Orleans in December . . . EVER. But today, what a beautiful reminder of God's love and promises and presence . . . a beautiful almost-double rainbow.

Thank you, even in the midst of some hard stuff at home, that you are amazing. You are the promise-keeper!

I want to be a blogger

I want to be a blogger. I really do. I have all sorts of thoughts that swirl around my brain and, sometimes, I think 'I should blog about this.' But then life happens, and I move on, and before I know, I've encountered another big thought or experience, and still haven't blogged.

So I'm going to try (TRY) to be intentional about blogging. Not waiting until I have monumental, life-altering inspirations but, instead, writing about life-living small stuff kinds of things that seem to make the way for the monumental, life-altering inspirations.

For instance, when I was driving to the airport to pick up Allen last Saturday, I was anxious about how and when I would share a bit of hard news that I couldn't tell him through Skype or phone calls while he was in the Philippines. I was trying out my newly acquired Pandora radio station on my i-Phone when the song "Blessed Be Your Name" came on.

Now that song has been quite meaningful to me for years . . . we sang it during our 2005 mission trip to Florianopolis, Brazil . . . we sang it in our first service back in the FBNO sanctuary after Katrina . . . and we have sung it numerous times in between and since. It always reminds me that I have a choice in how I will respond to any and every circumstance.

So, while I had endured a week of 'how will I tell Allen?' 'when will I tell Allen?,' the Holy Spirit gently reminded me that I had been acting like my issue of concern was a terrible thing to find out. But what if I looked at it from the other side? What if I saw that it was a good thing to KNOW what was going on and that we could now act accordingly.

This changed my anticipation completely. It was another experience of God challenging me to leave behind my 'woe is me' attitude, and focus instead on His MANY blessings. T. W. Hunt wrote in DISCIPLES PRAYER LIFE: "If we praise God on the mountaintop but refuse to praise Him in the valley, we are praising NOT God but our feelings." Ouch! That's not my intent!

So, today, I praise Him for what I know, what I don't know, and most of all, for what HE knows. He is in control, and already giving us glimpses of His amazing work. More to come.

A New Day

Sarah leaves for college tomorrow. Aaron left today. Wow. The day I thought would never come is almost here. Empty nest. I wanted to write a few words tonight so I could compare what my actual emotions end up being.

I'm sure I'll be teary. It's a passing of an era. How could I NOT be teary? I was teary when I took Aaron to Mississippi College for the first time, and it was definitely time for him to leave home. He had been shredding those apron strings for years.

So my experience with Sarah is probably going to be no different . . . maybe even a little more so. She's my girl and, even though she's been jumping out of the nest for a while herself, she still flutters close to my heart often enough to make me know we'll miss each other . . . on some level . . . some of the time.

I can't describe the emotions. It's almost as though I'm afraid to feel but then I think, how can I help but feel? It's how I'm wired. I'll miss my kids. I may even miss their mess . . . eventually (not right away, though). But I'm also looking forward to reconnecting with myself, my sweet husband, my God, my purpose, my future.

I just need to give myself passage. This is a part of the journey. I don't want to rush the trip . . . literally or figuratively. Allen's got class on Thursday so our turn-around will be relatively quick. That's okay . . . as long as I don't have to be emotionally 'fine' when we drive back on campus and into our new life.

Sarah, I pray wonderful things for you at this new beginning. I pray true friendships, meaningful study experiences, and enlightened glimpses into who you are becoming in Christ. I pray that the pieces of your life come together in a peace-filled way so that you will not see your new-found freedom as a time of reckless abandon but instead as a precious opportunity to be all that God is creating you to be. He is not just your Savior but the ultimate Director and Producer of your life. Respect Him as such, and I believe you will be amazed at the doors that will open for your talents and giftedness. You are my princess . . . from the first September 26 (actually from nine months earlier when your brother prophesied, 'I have a little sister') . . . and on across this amazing threshold to many more birthdays and new beginnings. Know that I am always your mom, no matter where you are, no matter where I am. Distance doesn't determine relationship. Heart connection does. May we grow in connectedness. May we grow in love.

Is it new view or more of the same?

Yesterday's schedule included a visit with Aaron and Allen to see Dr. Duffourc. Aaron's been connected with him since our Katrina year to manage his ADHD. We wanted to understand how our 20-year-old was supposed to be progressing with this and what we could expect out of his medication and such.

What we got was a fuzzy picture of how Aaron's values differ greatly from ours, and how we need to let him deal with the consequences of his choices. Funny but I think I knew all that before the 4:00 appointment. However, coming out of the mouth of this "professional" and into the ears of our selective-hearing child made it somehow more real. Two mandates: we stop snooping; he stops lying. We'll see where that goes.

While "snooping" had become an everyday occurrence (born out of finding 'contraband' during times when it really wouldn't have been considered 'snooping'), I was never really comfortable with it. I found myself in regular conflict over invading Aaron's stuff, almost fixating on what I might find and what I would do with it once I found it. However, the verse "Set your mind on things above, not on things of this world" kept coming back loud and clear.

So what now? I pray. I set my mind on things above. I live a life consistent with the things that I know God has called me to. I pray some more. Actually, I live a life fueled by prayer and the Word. Enough distractions!

Learning lessons the hard way

Fifteen years ago, I had a root canal.

Three months ago, I bit down on something and felt excrutiating pain in that tooth’s area. Dentist sent me to endodontist who retreated the root canal. Told me I could expect discomfort for a while. Didn’t know how much was normal so I mentioned when I sent in my final payment that it still bothered me. She asked me to come back and said it must be fractured because there was infection and that shouldn’t be if it was healing.

I have never had a dental procedure that I can remember hurting after the anesthesia was administered.

Until yesterday.

I received what would be considered a normal amount of shots but expressed concern that I could still feel the area around the tooth that needed to be extracted. Dentist gave me more shots. Still numbing was not complete. She then did some intra-tooth-nerve drillings that sent me out of my chair, but enabled her to shoot anesthesia more directly into the area. She did this three times. I was sweating. Literally and figuratively. Said the infection was sucking up the anesthesia and that’s why it wasn’t working like normal and why I needed so much. Called it a ‘hot tooth.’

And then she started the pulling process. Oh my, oh my, oh my. If I could put words to the pain, I would. The assistant was holding my hand, rubbing my shoulder, but mostly allowing me to squeeze bruises into her forearm. The dentist repeated over and over, “keep breathing, keep breathing.” What, do people stop breathing during all this? Finally, she took a break. Said something about letting my blood pressure come down. I think she was tired of looking at the tears streaming down my face and hearing my shrieks of pain.

When she came back, she worked a little longer on trying to get “one more piece” out. But when I still struggled to relax, she gave up. Said we’d have to wait til next week. That perhaps a week on another antibiotic would allow for the infection to heal and me to be more ready.

28 hours later, I am feeling better. Actually, I’ve felt pretty good all afternoon. This morning, I slept. I thought I would read but, instead, I slept. Guess when that medicine says it might make you sleepy, I should have believed it.

I’m thinking there’s probably all sorts of life lessons in this experience, especially as related to how painful it can be to get a spiritual infection out of one’s life. How we think that once we say we want it gone that, with anesthesia of some divine sort, it will go away painfree. But it doesn’t. Infection fights back. It’s been in charge and wants to stay in charge. I know relief is ahead, even without pain meds, but I will have a hard time forgetting yesterday. And maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe I’ll do whatever it takes on my part not to be in that chair for that reason again. Maybe I’ll learn one of the lessons I was intended to learn through all this. We’ll see . . . when it shows up on a test in the future!